Instability

I’ve given up several times before
I reached a patch of emptiness like a complete bore
I can’t tell you how I feel bc im not in tune anymore
I don’t know what I want anymore
When I was younger I had a clear idea of life as I got older
I should have figured if my past was an indicator
That being an adult meant a big crater
My shoulders have grown weak from the weight.
People play too much I must be bait
Instability, a word I’ve heard all too much lately
A word that in all reality made me

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Far away

All my life I wanted to run away
To a land far far away
One that probably doesn’t even exist
A land of pure bliss
All I want to hear are the silent echos
Of the wind blowing through fresh meadows
Where I can sit alone
A place I could for once call home

I Got Issues

Has it ever dawned on you that you might have daddy issues? 
I’ve never had a healthy relationship with any man just fresh tissues
Why do I do this to myself?
I could ask it a thousand times
But then I’d cover it with self inflicted lies.
When a man talks down to me I’m frustrated
Yet im in a familiar place just outdated
I never realized that my father’s words would forever haunt me
Yet here I am a grown ass woman wondering who wants me? 
What is it that I have to offer? 
When there’s thousands of beautiful woman why aren’t you on her? 
As a feminist I hate to compare myself to other women
It’s a competition no one agreed to we were just born in
From as far back as I can remember my father always had an opinion
And as I grow older I feel like all men are his little minions
It’s hard to run away from a dark past that still lingers
When as a woman I feel like everyone’s pointing a finger
What do I have to offer they say?
Can I cook, clean and stay at home all day? 
Thinking back that’s what my father was preparing me for
A life of pitiful misery at the hands of man, what for? 
I can take care of myself I know this dam well
Yet regardless I have a tendency to dwell 
How pathetic of me
I’m not blind I can see
I’ve analyzed every single issue every single time and I see where actions lead to mistakes
But give me a fucking break

Time Flies By the Blind

I wrote this poem a few years back and every time I read it I’m in the same exact mental place as when I wrote it, it’s crazy how powerful emotions are and how some feelings will forever resonate with you. Some things just never change.

In the back room with a face full of remorse
Contemplating why you took your life down this course
Fuck it all,  you only live once right?
But is it worth the sacrifice to see the light?
One day you will regret half your years
Cause it passed too fast my dear
And you didn’t get a chance to finish
You’ve reached your limit your about to diminish

Burnt Bridges

A bridge is built on a foundation
Labored by hands of Dedication
Beams trusted to withstand the weight
If anything were to go wrong it be fate
Because a bridge is built to stand strong
All the parts assemble to create a bond
A strength to last a lifetime
Everything to cross just fine 
But if that bridge is burned
And all the beams have turned
A complicated disaster awaits
And as all tumbles to the furthest depths of the ocean that fate awaits
An eruption completely irreversible
A sight so heavy it gets personal
Once a bridged is burned
One might yearn
Yet the other took this time to learn

I Guess it is what it is

Long ago I never pictured this life
The saying is good karma travels
I used to take matters in strife
But I can’t keep fighting these battles
It’s crazy how family can be so exhausting
I can handle it all except what occurs under my roof
I feel like I haven’t stopped falling
I know I’ve messed up but when will I be off the hook
My entire childhood has been wasted mourning
And my adult hood seems to be starting off the same
I guess I should have seen the warnings
I’ve been sugarcoating the obvious for a chance to change the game
It’s hard to walk away from evil thoughts
When your constantly getting sucked into the abyss
I try to remind myself of all I’ve fought
But it’s hard when I haven’t experienced pure bliss

My Father Used To Say

My father used to say that at 11 we truly learn to judge
I always disagreed since by ten I already held my grudge
My father used to say that those that are lost are without God
I disagreed when I was lost and found nothing but a fraud
My father used to say it’s better to talk to everyone than no one
I disagreed when I saw true colors that drained me till I was done
My father used to say In order to feel good you must look good.
I disagreed when I found my inner beauty and like a queen I ate good
My father used to say alot of things
But never had the courageous wings
To let his words guide him
Through his own life gone dim

Then what?

Do you ever feel stuck?
Not the whole stuck in a rut
More like life stopped on a broken red light
Its thought that if you want something bad you have to fight
But what if the ring is empty?
And the winners circle has already been emptied
Then what ?