My hearts been broken before, long ago. I swore after that I wouldn’t let it happen again but it did. All because of my actions, as if being a women comes with its limitations, as if I couldn’t make a decision on my own. As if I don’t work hard enough to please those around me, I can give myself, all of myself to you but you don’t want it, you want more? The more I don’t want, if I give in to you ill resent myself forever. I am not expected to be selfish? Why is it that being born with ovaries automatically dictate what my role in society is to be? This is the problem, this is my problem right now. The men who revolve in my world don’t get that. I’m looked at like a women, a child bearing, cleaning, selfless and loving women, but I’m not that, I’m selfish with my time, I clean for myself and a child will come when I allow it. I’m tired of being in a relationship in which I’m looked at like a women straight out of the 50s. As if times haven’t changed, as if I’m supposed to be like that regardless, because that’s what the movies say, that’s the premade role in society, that’s fucking life. I could never truly be myself because no man wants to accept that? When is the line drawn? When I find someone willing to break those boundaries and love me equally for all my strength and weaknesses. I must find a man who doesn’t see me as an object of desire, because then again isn’t that what women are supposed to be? When we allow someone to objectify us, were giving in, I’m turning over and allowing myself to get walked all over.
I can’t be this person anymore, I’m not this female that lives to clean and cook, I’m not the female that lives to please her man, I can’t be that I would be lying to myself. Why can’t anyone understand that? I don’t want to settle I’d rather live on my own for the years to come then resent myself at 40 for allowing myself to settle. Settle for a man with no ambition, yet goals far from reach, to settle with someone who puts his need first, I’m too young to settle for a man that only wants my ovaries to reproduce, I just can’t settle. Even worst with a man who doesn’t respect my morals and ethics. Even though it’s hard to walk away, I’ve done it before and I’ll do it again, because my hormones don’t control my actions and no I’m not pmsing, I’m being a women the women I’m allowed to be. The selfish young women who has taken enough of the misogynistic bullshit. I am a women who wants to be treated equally even in the most physical of relationships, because why not? I deserve that.